"No, Mom. He can't stand up, he has no spine!"

Another day of living my lavish lifestyle lead me to spend my Sunday night at the dollar theater. Normally, I can tolerate the dollar theater because it's very cheap, just like me. But who knew that on a Sunday night at 9pm the Super Saver Cinema would be the place to be. Holy hell, there were a lot of children surrounding me. They were everywhere, crawling over and onto things like those crazy bugs in the Mummy movies! I half expected the place to be left in ruins. Not that that would not have been an improvement. I know that obviously the Super Saver does not have the same funding as a real theater but they really let the place go! It is a shit hole.

Half of the seats are broken and the other half have countless unidentifiable stains left on them. And as the crowd of about 50 people piled into this decrepit cinema, there were two fans overhead, that could fall at any moment, moving the hot air around. So after I knock several small children out of the way to get into the theater, I park myself in the cleanest chair I could find with in the 12 seconds of scrambling everyone did as soon as the doors were opened. Evidently, everyone else had the same idea I had : there are only a very limited amount of seats that no one has had sex in yet so hurry, hurry!!

Now, the ticket stub in my hand may have said "Transformers", but I had to check that I had the right theater because there were so many little kids running up and down the isles, I thought I might have accidentally walked into a Disney movie. But nope, all of the toddlers and infants were there for Optimus Prime apparently. And I'm not exactly sure but I think the movie was rated R or at least PG-13 and for good reason. Transformers is violent!!! I know that it might not seem that way because they are made of metal and there is no 'blood', but they are really going at each other with no mercy whatsoever! They were ripping each other faces off and ripping body parts to pieces. If they were human, it would have been the goriest movie I have ever seen.

And you know all the little kids are going to be playing "Transformers" tomorrow with all of their friends. And the bossy one will think of it first and tell his friend, "Give me your face!", just like Optimus says to Megatron, and he will pretend to rip it off. And then the mom will come out and be like "Timmy, get off the ground!"

And the bossy one will tell her, "No, Mom. He can't stand he has no spine!"

To which she will reply, "WHAT?!"

And the bossy one will tell her, "Yeah, and that one over there has no face! I'm winning!"

And then the mom will complain that movies and TV and life in general are too violent and blame the media when in fact, she should blame herself for taking her 5 year old kid to see Transformers in the first place! And while she is at it, she can blame herself for ruining mine and countless others' movie going experience!! Thanks a heap, Irresponsible Mother!